Around Valentine's Day, while some are placing orders for flowers and planning the perfect dinner, others are placing calls to Dallas Fort Worth private investigators hoping to finally answer the question, "Is my spouse cheating on me?". It's sad really; for some, special days like these that are meant to celebrate romance and intimacy, only exacerbate feelings of suspicion, insecurity, and anger.
We've solved more "cheating spouses" cases at Starr Advisory Services than we care to admit. And around this time of year, more than half of the calls we receive on a daily basis are from people who want to find out if their husband (usually) or wife (occasionally) is cheating.
These are our least favorite investigations. Don't get us wrong -- we appreciate the business and we pride ourselves on delivering results for our clients. We would even go so far as to say these are the easiest cases to solve. You might be surprised to hear those true cheaters don't try very hard to cover their tracks.
Problem with infidelity investigations
The problem with infidelity investigations is that nobody wins regardless of what we find (or don't find). When we catch a cheating spouse on camera, we've usually catalyzed the first steps towards divorce and sometimes a nasty custody battle. But sometimes we follow a spouse for weeks and feel reasonably confident that he or she is not cheating. One would think our client would be relieved or even happy. More times than not, however, the client is disappointed that we weren't able to catch the spouse doing something really bad.
It's fairly easy to catch a true cheater. You see, we are all creatures of habit; we engage in daily routines even when we are doing things we are not supposed to be doing.
When spouses cheat, they usually fit it into their schedule!
It rarely takes more than two weeks of surveillance to observe the full cycle of a subject's normal routine. Once the pattern has been investigated, it's really clear to our investigators whether or not a spouse is being faithful. Cheaters typically don't meet their lovers on a random, infrequent basis. Cheaters typically meet their lovers frequently and on a schedule. So if we don't find something within a three-week surveillance cycle, there usually isn't anything to find.
Even so, clients are rarely satisfied unless we discover an affair. It is for this reason that we are sometimes disheartened by infidelity investigations.
The investigators at Starr Advisory Services have diverse backgrounds, but we all share one thing in common -- we are highly educated and experienced in our field. Most of our investigators have Masters degrees in criminal justice, criminology or psychology along with significant field experience. Based on our experience and education, we share a common view of cheating spouse investigations at Starr Advisory Services -- if a person goes so far as to hire a private investigator to follow his or her spouse, the marriage is probably already headed towards divorce.
Sadly, when a person suspects his or her spouse of cheating, the bonds of trust are already broken. From a psychology perspective, "cheating" is not the primary issue. Rather, it is the lack of trust that is the issue. This could be based either on a client's underlying fear or the subject's overt, disrespectful behavior. Either way, a "smoking gun" video (or lack thereof) does little to change the trajectory of the relationship.
That being said, we understand the need for a sense of closure. We also understand the role that solid evidence plays in divorce negotiations and custody hearings.
This Valentine's Day, we celebrate all the happy marriages and relationships in the Dallas Fort Worth metroplex and around the world. And we also hope that those people who are looking for closure and a sense of peace find what they are looking for. But when it comes to hiring an investigator to follow your spouse, we encourage you to ask yourself if it's really necessary if you're just looking for proof of what you already know.